101 Things that your Tech Support Person Doesn't Like

1. When you say you have a virus and you don't really have any idea what is wrong, it's just a little slow


2. Crawling behind disgusting and dirty desks.


3. Unsnarling wires


4. Too many icons on the desktop, making it difficult to actually find what they need


5. Disgusting keyboards and mouses.


6. When you complain about something and don't first check the cables.


7. When you lie and say that you've rebooted or checked the cables when you clearly haven't.


8. When you turn off your antivirus because "it makes the computer too slow". Infected computers grind to a halt, friend


9. When you ask about how to fix a problem on a home machine


10. When you ask about how to get your kids games working


11. When you complain about network speed


12. When you wax nostalgic about old computers/programs and how great they were. We got stuff to do here.


13. When you refuse to upgrade to the newest version of a program


14. How you complain about not being able to use an old program


15. When you do not apply updates.


16. Not reporting weird behavior like porn popups.


17. Not writing down error messages, and then explaining your problem like..."It comes up with an error message, but I just click it away." Sometimes that message is important.


18. Insisting on doing things the most complicated way possible.


19. When you post a username/password on your monitor


20. When you use a horrible and insecure password


21. Not backing up your data and then acting shocked when it disappears.


22. Clicking on popups that tell you that you have a virus. This is the internet people! They are preying on you!


23. When you forward something without checking snopes


24. When you forward something and ask if "is this real?"


25. When you get a piece of spam and ask why "they" do this


26. When you ask how you got infected. I don't watch over your shoulder


27. This really happened to me. When you are at a funeral and are approached for technical advice


28. When a hacker gets in and you ask why they do this


29. When you store sensitive data on your computer, like credit cards or bank accounts or passwords. Does this seem like a good idea to you? Are you asking to get your identity stolen?


30. When you download and install file sharing utilities


31. When you have an infected USB and you put it in mutliple computers


32. When you ask how you can make a web site, without having to learn "anything technical"


33. When you click without reading


34. When you are upset because something doesn't work exactly like it used to


35. When you don't want to learn


36. When you insist on keeping old equipment alive


37. When you ask for opinions on new equipment or software that the tech person hasn't ever seen. We can barely keep up on the stuff we WANT to keep track of.


38. When you want to now how one program is different than the other


39. When you missuse an acronym.


40. When you assume something is possible because computers can do anything


41. When you put your entire hard drive on the server


42. When you complain about the firewall


43. When you don't read the instructions


44. When you don't install the drivers


45. When you don't change your wireless keyboard/mouse's batteries


46. When you change your monitor's resolution to something your monitor can't support


47. When you complain that the "server must be down" for every conceivable network problem


48. When you don't explain how you did something


49. When you hide what you did


50. When you blame someone else


51. When you expect quick turnaround


52. When you stop them in the hallway/elevator/outside of work, and mention something you'd like them to fix. Do them a favor, send an email


53. When you want help in ordering something online


54. When you want instruction in something like "So, show me everything that is different in Office 2007".


55. When you want them to do your work in MS Word or Excel for you


56. When you ask for help doing the same thing over and over again


57. When you call yourself stupid


58. When you ask how I learned everything I know


59. When you assume that I have a comp sci degree


60. When you throw away equipment that works fine because you don't know how to use it.


61. When you don't let us know when there is a problem


62. When you don't mark when a piece of equipment is broken and it continues to try to be used


63. When you complain about your 500 person mailing list not working, and it is an address that is misspelled, or not working


64. When you complain about a piece of code you've written and you haven't checked it for spelling or correct punctuation.


65. When you put games on the server


66. When you install a server without knowing how to care for it. Everyone can install Ubuntu. Not everyone can sysadmin Ubuntu


67. When you have silly icons/mouse pointers that make it difficult to concentrate


68. When you have silly desktop backgrounds/screen savers


69. When you insist on adding more and more silly backgrounds/screen savers


70. When you insist on backing up your silly background/screen so you can put it on your new computer


71. When you insist on a gaming pc when you only go on the internet and write word documents


72. When you want two monitors because it's cool, not because you need them.


73. When you want to connect to your computer remotely because you are lazy and don't want to come to work


74. When you don't want to upgrade your printer and get frustrated when you lose your parallel port on your next computer


75. When you assume its safe or easy to share printers


76. When you open illegal shares on your computer without checking with your tech person


77. When you say "but my computer at home is faster".


78. When I can't buy something to make your computer better because of the budget.


79. When I'm asked to install illegal software


80. When I'm asked to install software without a license


81. When I'm asked to install software on your personal machine


82. Cascading Style Sheets


83. Not being given notice that you need something, something that we could have planned for


84. Being treated like a peon


85. Being told that we are wrong


86. Asking someone else of our assessment, and "is she right"


87. Being hovered over


88. Being asked to explain every step


89. When you are afraid to try


90. Being asked how to get into this business


91. Being asked how much I charge for home visits


92. When you don't accept that I don't do house calls


93. When you bring in your home computer for me to look at


94. When you don't accept my advice to wipe the computer clean and start over and insist it can be done without such drastic measures


95. Wordperfect


96. Your custom macros


97. Customized ergonomic mouses and keyboards


98. Left handed mouses


99. Carrying heavy computers


100. Crowded offices without room to move or disassemble a computer.


101. Having to be inside working on your computer when it's nice outside.

How not to be infected

"Why is our antivirus software so bad?"

Well, it's not the antivirus software. No antivirus software in the world is going to save you if you don't practice safe computing. Antivirus software protects you from things that it KNOWS are bad. Much like a vaccine will protect, but only after the virus it is destined to shield against is analyzed and the vaccine specially crafted just for it.

No, there are billions of people on the internet and the state of virus protection is just what we've gotten a handle on a couple of weeks ago, not necessarily today. (Although they do try.)

There are things called zero-day exploits which are bugs in code that are hackable. Once the hackers figure out a way to use the holes to their advantage, they release those pieces of software "into the wild". That means that the hacked code to exploit the problem is out there, and it is being passed around.

And that is what your antivirus program is updating against...those sorts of things.

Now, your antivirus program isn't necessarily protecting you from yourself.

If you click on a program, and if you agree to install it, chances are good your antivirus program isn't going to complain. And a lot of the time, most of these programs aren't good for your computer. They might slow it down or mess with your settings. Sometimes it changes your search engine from something you might use to their search engine. Sometimes worse.

But, you see, this isn't a virus. This is a specially crafted program. It doesn't exploit any hole in software. A lot of these programs are called spam or malware or bloatware.

You get them when you click on a popup telling you that you are infected with viruses, while surfing the internet. You get them when installing one piece of software and it might install another one. You might get them while you are downloading some illegal software or music via a torrent or file sharing service.

So, the best way to not get infected by these sorts of things...don't fall for it.

Practice safe computing.

* Don't click on popups (except maybe the little red X in the upper right hand corner to close it). If it still doesn't close, shut down your web browser.
* Don't believe popups that come up while your browsing the internet, warning of an infection.
* Don't download popup advertised software designed to improve your computer.
* When installing legitimate software, don't accept additonal pieces of software. There are often check boxes given you the OPTION to not install it.
* Don't sign up for free stuff. This is how they get your email and send you email filled with links that can take you to sites with viruses.
* Stay away from file sharing sites. File sharing works on the fundamental idea that everyone trusts everyone else's data. And that every file is clean. It's alarming how many people have viruses on their computers and don't even know it. It's alarming how many people will place copies of certain highly requested things and make that a starting point for a virus infection.

If you think you might be infected?

* Download (if you can) antivirus updates.
* Unplug your network cable from your computer. That severs any connection a hacker might have to your computer.
* Run your antivirus program.
* If it doesn't find anything, download a spamware/malware product. Good free ones are MalwareBytes or Spybot S&D. It will remove what spyware it can, and that may help.
* If that doesn't help, attach a USB hard drive and create a Knoppix CD and boot off of it. This will allow you to see your computer without using your operating system. Right click your USB hard drive to make it writable and start transferring your valuable data off your hard drive and onto your USB hard drive. You might copy infected files, but without the operating system, they won't hurt anything.
* Get your computer erased and reinstalled. After an infection or a malware attack, sometimes the damage done is so severe that you just have to start over. Make sure to reinstall your antivirus first and THEN transfer your backed up files back. Often this is when your AV will flag a file as trouble.